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When Marriage Is A Mistake

by Pablo Giacopelli |  | 10 comments

After sharing last week on divorce I received several messages asking me what my view was on marriage. Even though I have several points of view on this topic I nevertheless felt led instead to share these few truths I have discovered as I continue to navigate the waters of marriage.

One of the reasons why I am choosing to do it this way is because I have heard people say in the past so many times “as soon as I get married I know all these things will change”...really?

Well, with this in mind I would like to invite all of us, and not just those of us that have not been married before, to consider the following truths that I believe have the potential to cause every present and future marriage to be the healthy and wonderful experience God had in mind when he designed it.

1- If you are feeling lonely marriage won’t change that as loneliness is not cured suddenly when you have someone next to you.

2- If you are feeling incomplete marriage will not change that either as wholeness comes from within our hearts and not from having someone else around us.

3- If you are feeling lost marriage will not change this either as real clarity is not found through the eyes and thoughts of someone else.

4- If you are wounded marriage won’t change this as healing is only found by experiencing the healing flow of the King and Kingdom that reside within your heart.

5- If you are married and can suddenly see that one or all of these reasons where behind your desire to marry panic not – Grace and love can restore and redeem all things. So now that you can see the truth ask the King to do His thing and in time watch your marriage begin to thrive the way that it was always meant to.

Entering into marriage with false pretenses means that you will very possibly not only make it worse for yourself, but also for the one you claim to want to love for the remainder of your days.

Remember – the only certain thing a ring around your finger will change will be your civil status.


Photo by Rony Hyslop

PS If you have found that this blog has hit home then please consider sharing it out with others as this will help all of us in our journeys...and if you have time then please also leave me a message. I will be checking and making sure I reply as I know it has come from your heart but most importantly it has come from you...

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Comments (10)

  • Pablo on February 01, 2019

    @Greg Bell first of all thank you for sharing all of this here on this public platform. I dont think you are cursed, nor do I think that there is something deeply wrong with you either. I believe you are wounded and suffering the consequences of that wounding. Wounding like other things are past on through the generations if they are not healed. As each generation passes it on it normally gets worse as do the side effects of them. In my own life I have experinced some deep dark places like the one you describe. In the ones I have found relieve I have seen it happen through contemplation and listening to the pain and fear within me which often hide behind the mask of anger. As I have done this slowly I have come to understand why it was there and how it got there. I encourage you to spend more time observing your life instead of judging it and judging that you are this or that. Instead observe it and ask questions. God is not afraid of them and he is more than capable of answering them. And you are more than capable of hearing those answers. I hope that helps. I am happy to chat this further if you want. Hug. Pablo

  • Greg Bell on February 01, 2019

    Pablo, I’m at a crossroads I have faced too many times. I think I’ve changed and my wife says she has seen it. But building in me is past bitternesses that I am afraid of. Little comments that set me off. I know I wish there was a magic wand. My anger becomes uncontrollable and have tried to “off” myself because I just can’t make. I have made huge mistakes thathave wounded my wife to the core. 44 years is a long time living with me. I miserable with this. And so is my wife and it seems to get worse… sometimes she gets some kind of trust in me and something makes me angry and the time we think we were “close” goes out the window. I get to this place and I don’t know if I have it in me to change. I can look all kind and good on Facebook, make jokes, maybe offer encouragement. But behind it all is a failing husband. I’m seeing counselors at the VA, group therapy and a psychiatrist. Been a manic depressive for longer than I can remember. Medications, etc. When I hit this hopeless spot or it may require sacrifice I fail. Being a “good”, funny manic person is hope I cope. I don’t don’t know if this stuff is so deeply ingrained or what. But it is killing my wife. I could confess all my sins but I come to this spot of "Ithink I’m spiritual or God speaks to me. If it is the disease or just a generational curse I can’t find my way out of it. I go along fine for awhile and boom I’m out in left field. Thinking God is kind because of what I sense. I want to shut down completely and hide or run. My wife says I’m bitter. That in itself hurts and from somewhere in my past it was said that there is no escape from it. This is too much to talk about now. I would say I love you but even that right now I can’t trust.

  • Pablo on January 30, 2019

    @Jerry and Denise Basel. Hey guys many thanks for the affirmation and insight. Like you I firmly believe that a healthier man makes a healthy husband and a healthy lady makes a healthy wife. Clearly the ideal is seldom possible so what matters at the end of the day is the motivation of the heart and making sure that one enters into this space of life to be a blessing and not needing one.

  • Pablo on January 30, 2019

    @Giuseppe Collesano thank you for your comments.

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