If you come from a broken home like I do I believe the following discoveries God has been helping me to see in the last few decades, have the potential to shed some light on your own path.
I began to notice over the years how I always came into relationships with set expectations I was looking to have fulfilled. The problem was not so much the expectations I had, which were unhealthy in their own right, but the fact that they never seemed to be met. This, of course, was not the consequence of others not trying to meet them as much as it was actually me not even knowing what they were in the first place. In other words, I knew that I was looking for something but I was not sure what it was nor what this looked like in reality. This became apparent to me as every time things were going well I would still seem to be looking for something else that was lacking. Over and over this feeling led me to stress out my partners and I and in time the relationships inevitably broke down.
As I began to seek God for answers one day while meditating I felt the Spirit gently but firmly say, "You need to stop trying to heal the wound you got when your parents divorced by trying to build with someone else the same domestic environment they shattered”
From there I slowly began to understand that I was entering into every relationship to find what only God could give me. I was firmly fixed in trying to find an external solution for an inner problem which of course never works. While the small child within me wanted to feel loved and secure the adult in me desperately sought to silence the internal ache by relating with another human being. As I look back I can now see how futile it is when we try and fix our lives from a space of unawareness through our own efforts, instead of allowing the truth to help us see so that we can then invite God to heal them.
Today if you find yourself in a similar situation I would love to encourage you to stop trying so you can ask God to help you see. Much time can often be saved in our journey if we realize that what we don't seem to find is not because life is against us but instead because we are looking for the wrong thing. When we take care of our inner world our outer one in time always lines up and reflects what is happening in the inside. Probably why God invites us to first delight ourselves in him (inside) and he from there will give us (outer) the desires of our hearts. Trying to do it the other way will only lead us to many dead ends, frustration, and brokenness as it did for me.
These days I am relating in a much healthier way with others because I have been able to see the truth of my situation and not just the projection of my internal wounding. Please understand that to enter and be able to experience this new reality I have shed many tears and visited some very dark corners within me. This even though it has not been easy it has nevertheless been well worth it not just for me but especially for those that are part of my life.
Therefore I invite you to seriously consider taking the same inward journey. As you do you will notice the presence of a willing partner in God to lead you into a healthy space. From here you will then be able to bless others instead of continuing to break your and other people's hearts unnecessarily.
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